Relapse

Relapse

It’s something that is essentially inevitable. You can be going down the correct path, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get lost in the correct direction. Habit is defined by Merriam Webster as a usual way of behaving : something that a person does often in a regular and repeated way. So if you have an old habit you try to avoid, odds are you’re going to fall into the pressure of it because it was such a strong need at one point in your life. For many of us the idea that avoiding the habits we tried time after time to quit can be the determination of our strength. However, something I have come to learn, and as much as I hate it, you can’t be strong all days. Realistically you are going to relapse. Realistically you are going to mess up. And realistically you are going to have so many moments of weakness its crazy. What really determines strength is your individual ability to overcome and move on from moments of weakness. I am a work in progress and that’s okay. I will have moments of weakness, but I am slowly learning how to find my strength in those moments. A wise friend once told me “sometimes the bad day can turn into a bad week, bad month, or even a bad year. That does not make it a bad life.” In the craziest of ways I still think I am going the right direction. I have so many things and people in my life to be thankful for. But I have to learn not to want to get better because of them, I have to get better for myself so that I can be strong for them.

Always remember that it is perfectly acceptable to reach out and ask for help. You are incredibly worthy of being happy. You deserve every ounce of happiness this life throws at you. You are loved.

Re-Inspired

Re-Inspired

It has been a year since my last blog post. Tonight I went on a long drive with a dear friend. And I haven’t felt so cleared and ready to take on the future in awhile. For awhile I haven’t quite been myself. I have been my anxieties and my overwhelming fear of failing get the best of me. I don’t quite know what I am doing in college, I have secretly very sad again, and I haven’t strived to be the best form of myself. Tonight I realized that all of these things are literally okay. To get ‘better’ I have to define what better means for me. I can say time after time I am better, but what version of myself is really the ‘better’ one? What I know at this point in time is that I fully intend to fill the next couple of months full of the things I love the most. I will be (attempting) to keep up with this blog again. I will hike many mountains. I will love everyone I come across with all of my heart. And I will apply to be a camp counselor at a new camp because I need a new perspective. I am working on me again, and that’s okay. Sometimes you need to put yourself first and that’s okay. I am going to figure all of this out.